Finally an understanding and a name
Posted: Wed Oct 02, 2019 2:40 am
Hail and well met!
I am the mythical other moderator. The one whose name is whispered among the old timers. The one the newcomers may have heard of but considers legend. I live!...I think.
In all seriousness, things have been rough. I have gone through years of, well, I can't exactly describe it. You who know me know that I am a Desert Shield/Storm veteran. It was a small war, right? Certainly the veterans should be over it by now with no lasting effects? Unfortunately, that's wrong.
I was going strong on the forums here as can be seen my the number of posts I made when I was active. There was a series of events in my private life - too numerous and painful to recount here - and I found myself withdrawing from the things I loved. This forum was one of those things. Let it be clear: No one here offended or hurt me in any way! The folks on this forum have always been welcoming and accepting of me and my strange ways, my hijacking of threads - such has been my sense of humor in the past.
But the laughter stopped. Life began to weigh me down. I withdrew from many things that I love, including my family. I mean, I'm here, at home. But I'm not here. I am grouchy, tired and can suffer a mood swing in a heartbeat. My family doesn't deserve that.
A couple of years ago, I had lunch with my old squad leader from the Army. He is 100% disabled from his service in Desert Shield/Storm. He encouraged me to go to the VA for help... No actually, he chewed my tail for not already having gone. Most everyone I served with is already disabled and a good friend of mine died a little over a year ago from a bacteria he picked up in "91 from the Gulf! So I filed a claim for damage done to my lungs by the oil fires while I was in the Gulf. After an exam, I was rated at 30% disabled. Then I was set up to go to an appointment to evaluate my overall health. During the evaluation, the Nurse Practitioner, brought out that I was depressed and marched me over to the psychiatrist on duty. She then diagnosed me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - something I have denied but knew I had since I left the Gulf. I thought it was just jumpiness when I hear a loud pop. I was surprised to find out that PTSD has ruled my life for the last nearly 30 years. I have been undergoing counselling for it which is about complete. I also filed a claim with the VA but I am waiting to get the results from them.
So, anyway, I will always have PTSD. But now at least I'm aware of what it is doing to me and to those around me. Now I can put a name to what's going on in me. Now I'm getting the tools to fight back and to start easing back into things that I enjoy. Hopefully, I'm back!
This is still the most awesome forum on the net.
Eric C/ Angarth Spider's Bane
I am the mythical other moderator. The one whose name is whispered among the old timers. The one the newcomers may have heard of but considers legend. I live!...I think.
In all seriousness, things have been rough. I have gone through years of, well, I can't exactly describe it. You who know me know that I am a Desert Shield/Storm veteran. It was a small war, right? Certainly the veterans should be over it by now with no lasting effects? Unfortunately, that's wrong.
I was going strong on the forums here as can be seen my the number of posts I made when I was active. There was a series of events in my private life - too numerous and painful to recount here - and I found myself withdrawing from the things I loved. This forum was one of those things. Let it be clear: No one here offended or hurt me in any way! The folks on this forum have always been welcoming and accepting of me and my strange ways, my hijacking of threads - such has been my sense of humor in the past.
But the laughter stopped. Life began to weigh me down. I withdrew from many things that I love, including my family. I mean, I'm here, at home. But I'm not here. I am grouchy, tired and can suffer a mood swing in a heartbeat. My family doesn't deserve that.
A couple of years ago, I had lunch with my old squad leader from the Army. He is 100% disabled from his service in Desert Shield/Storm. He encouraged me to go to the VA for help... No actually, he chewed my tail for not already having gone. Most everyone I served with is already disabled and a good friend of mine died a little over a year ago from a bacteria he picked up in "91 from the Gulf! So I filed a claim for damage done to my lungs by the oil fires while I was in the Gulf. After an exam, I was rated at 30% disabled. Then I was set up to go to an appointment to evaluate my overall health. During the evaluation, the Nurse Practitioner, brought out that I was depressed and marched me over to the psychiatrist on duty. She then diagnosed me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - something I have denied but knew I had since I left the Gulf. I thought it was just jumpiness when I hear a loud pop. I was surprised to find out that PTSD has ruled my life for the last nearly 30 years. I have been undergoing counselling for it which is about complete. I also filed a claim with the VA but I am waiting to get the results from them.
So, anyway, I will always have PTSD. But now at least I'm aware of what it is doing to me and to those around me. Now I can put a name to what's going on in me. Now I'm getting the tools to fight back and to start easing back into things that I enjoy. Hopefully, I'm back!
This is still the most awesome forum on the net.
Eric C/ Angarth Spider's Bane